Poets Resist
Edited by Jonathan May
June 22, 2018
Brendan Gillett
Instructions for Commemorating Low Points in American History
With Cocktails
I.
using only $20 bills, Jackson-side up, buy any and all beers put out by the Cherokee Distributing Company and spread them out around the party
as guests arrive and you want to expand / move these First Libations bottles without warning / without exception / without consultation / without consideration / drink or drop some along the way of this Trail of Beers
II.
fill glasses with mint, sugar, and lime and place on two separate — but equal — trays / fill most with light rum and the rest with dark / label them Jim Crojitos / for best results, place the dark tray under the bar / assure guests that they can still enjoy those drinks but it's just easier this way / to know our preferences and prevent unwanted mixing
III.
wash the taste of Great Depression down with a Dust (Punch) Bowl of Bud Light Lime-A-Rita / but like ironically / don't worry about what created rural poverty in the first place / or what
sustains it / or what it can lead to
IV.
set up a sake bomb in a remote corner of the party / as soon as it falls, grab any Japanese drinks—even the ones brewed here — throw them in an Internment Cabinet and declare them traitorous / if guests start throwing out drinks that just look Japanese, don't correct their error
V.
run around and knock any red — or red-looking — red-lookin drink to the floor and let guests know the Red Cup Scare is over / let them know they can turn in their red-drinking friends for a reward / this
will create the right atmosphere of safety and security
VI.
while you're at it, raid the party for any of those fruity-looking drinks / if anyone still wants those, set up a special Liquor Closet for their kind / raid that too sometimes
VII.
it should go without saying that when women order drinks, you should not fill their cups all the way / if any complain, tell them the Beverage Gap keeps this party in business / and you're not responsible for what happens to her if she drinks too much
VIII.
try to limit the number of drinks that guests bring from other parties / or at least pretend to / premium bottles will be allowed / complain publicly about all this illegal tequila even as you
smuggle it in / don't let anyone sell it at full price, no matter what it deserves / pour off a few shots from each bottle and separate them onto a secret tray / you need this Margarita Migration to keep your costs low
IX.
if someone prefers not to drink, assume it is for religious reasons / ask if they want
some mint tea / if they say yes / decide they are a Muslim / and tell them to get out because you don't serve Bagheads at this party
X.
did you refill the Crojitos yet? / we're not really calling them that anymore but don't change something that's been popular for so long / maybe change glasses / add some new trays / mix a few drinks together and call it Progress / but when things get out of hand, hire blue-suited waiters to make sure that every drink knows its place
if guests are still unhappy, it is their right, they'll say, to brandish Flaming Tiki Cup Zombie Shots / watch to see who admonishes them
XI.
at the end of the party, take Second Amendment Shots / line up the empties / line up the spares / line up perfectly good bottles / line up the gun / and take shots
shoot the brown ones / shoot the ones with weird caps / shoot some clear ones just because / shoot a whole bunch of mini-bottles sitting in a school in a box together / shoot them all / watch them explode and scatter / leave the glass for someone else
drink as much as you like
drink until you believe that this tastes good
don't stop
it's a free party
Poets Resist is published by Glass Poetry Press.
All contents © the author.